Couples Counselling
When we are in a romantic relationship, it can hard to feel joyfully loving all the time. Pressures from the world (work, family) can build up and the relationship can start to feel like hard work. We might feel wobbly or unsure, or look outside the relationship for fulfillment with another..... and its never too early to take action to move the relationship onto a more joyful footing, or to find ways of amicably ending.
It's natural to 'have a wobble' at tension points in the relationship - new job/lost job, new child, new home, etc. Even the joyous things in life can create anxiety. Since the Covid pandemic, many people feel less resilient, let me help you take some new steps forward.
Couples counselling works to improve understanding of our partner in the here and now, and find a better way forward for both people in the couple and the relationship itself. When couples need to make sense of the past to be able to go forward then the work tends to be a little deeper to make sure that they achieve their goals and leave the past behind.
I don't have signed contracts for a certain number of sessions, I do, however expect couples to commit to the work, to keep going through the tough stuff by regular attendance at sessions. Mostly I see people for weekly or fortnightly sessions. Monthly sessions can be really hard to see progress from unless you are the kind of couple who will wholeheartedly put effort in to make changes without the stimulus of a session. Long gaps between sessions are not advisable, if its time to change, let's get it done.
Couples counselling isn't about gluing you back together if that isn't what you want; some couples also use counselling to agree how to part ways and maybe how to work collaboratively to raise their children; this a really valid use of therapy. Couples counselling isn't mediation, mediation is a term for a part of the legal process of separation and divorce; mediators help you sort out the finances, property, and access to children.
Generally only one of the couple will be phoning me to make an appointment. To avoid the faff of booking and cancelling, please talk to your partner first, get their agreement and cooperation, and have their availability to hand.
How long will I need to attend? This depends on the complexity and depth of the issues you are working with. An average is 10 sessions.
Couples counselling can help with:
Life stage changes are often involved in relationship conflict, learning to juggle commitments and still find connection can re-connect and future-proof the couple. Stages that couples counselling can help with:
> Forming relationships
> Moving in together
> Committed Partnership or Marriage
> Babies and children/stepchildren
> Changes to work or health
>Change of role in the family
> Empty nest
>Ageing and retirement
Deeper issues
A proportion of couples attending counselling have previous episodes of abuse and/or violence in their relationship. When violence and abuse is currently active in the relationship then couples work often isn't suitable or safe. The term abuse also covers coercive control, manipulative and controlling behaviours, stalking. I don't commit to offering counselling to couples in this instance until I have made a thorough assessment of what is happening; I may however offer individual help to both partners or refer you to a specialist agency.
I also don't commit to work with couples without thorough assessment where there is active involvement from the Police or Social Services or there are legal processes.
If you are in immediate need of help, please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Women can visit https://leedswomensaid.co.uk/ Men can visit http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
Advice and information is here: https://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/domesticabuse
